‘The Verse’ Philip Larkin’s Blunt Take on Parenthood”

Philip Larkin, This be the verse. Have you read it?

If you have not read it, check out the below extract from the poem:

This Be The Verse

They f**k you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

By Philip Larkin

 

The poem stays firmly in my mind. I first came across it as a teenager, presented with it by my English teacher, Mrs. Reed. Now, many years down the line and blessed with three children of my own, it feels like an appropriate time to consider the blunt reminder this poem presents.

The direct language challenges readers to reflect on how to approach parenting with greater care and awareness. The complete poem invites a critical examination of familial patterns, urging us to acknowledge flaws while striving for growth.

I must say, however, I do not hold critical feelings toward the parenting I received. Though I’m sure we can all recall moments of our youth when we were deeply impacted by the parenting we were given—myself included.

Lesson: Be a Cycle Breaker

The poem underscores how flaws and insecurities can be unintentionally passed down through generations. As parents, we have the opportunity—and the responsibility—to break these cycles. This requires self-awareness, healing from our own experiences, and making deliberate choices about the values and behaviors we instill in our children.

Parenting with intention means recognizing that even small, everyday interactions can shape a child’s perspective. By teaching resilience and offering unconditional love, we can counterbalance the inevitable mistakes every parent makes.

In short, the lesson we can take from Larkin’s poem is this: be intentional about what you fill your child with. Though perfection is unattainable, striving to parent with care and mindfulness can make all the difference.

Summary – Practical Application

With the busy lives many of us live live it can be difficult to know where to begin…Here are some steps I will be working on.

1. Connect Even Briefly

• Morning Message: Leave a sticky note or send a quick text with a kind word, encouragement, just let them know you love em.
• Quality Over Quantity: A few seconds of genuine connection—like a hug or saying, “I’m proud of you”—can leave a lasting impact.

2. Make Use of Transitional Moments

• Car Rides: Use these moments to ask meaningful questions, like, “What’s one thing you’re excited about today?” or “What’s something new you learned?”
• Bedtime Check-In: If mornings are rushed, prioritize connection in the evening with a quick chat or reading a book together.
• Be Present When You’re There: Even a few minutes of undivided attention can make a big difference.

3. Model and Reflect

• Share Intentional Choices: Mention how you’re working on improving something, like saying, “I’m trying to be more patient today.”
• Encourage Reflection: Before bed or over dinner, ask, “What was your favorite part of today?” or “What’s something you’re proud of?”

4. Focus on Consistency, Not Perfection

• Routines Matter: Even a simple routine like a nightly “I love you” or morning “Have a blessed day” builds connection over time.
• Apologize When Needed: If you miss a moment, acknowledge it and try again tomorrow.